thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
