wrigley field is MILF paradise
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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