How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
