She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
