Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
