Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
it's like iHOP with fire
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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