also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
