how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
