let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
