dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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