This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Randomize