My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
