i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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