Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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