made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Randomize
