i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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