my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
