his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
