dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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