She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize