cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
We are all done wearing pants today
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
