The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize