Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
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