im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
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