Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
