She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
