i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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