im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
