he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
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