PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
