btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
