tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
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