remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I'm just crazy horny about you
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
