ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
