Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
