I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
He? As in you personified your dick?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
he's single and there are thong briefs.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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