how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
