hotel room ftw
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Randomize
