somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize