My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
