I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
