I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
