I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
