I wannas sexs uuuuu
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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