He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
