He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
