Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Randomize
