just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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