So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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