I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
