I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
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