You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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