That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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