I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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