she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
