the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
