her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
