I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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