you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
