I want you more than these girls want KFC
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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