I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Randomize
