We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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