I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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