Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
