Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
