to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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