We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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