Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
