i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
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