you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
