Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
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