if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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