He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize