just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
