Dude my mom stole all your condoms
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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