I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize