I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Randomize
