he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
