my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
