so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
