Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Randomize
