He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
