Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
