if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
