we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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