Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize