Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
