Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
