Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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