all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
if only i could text you this smell
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize