let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
