Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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