ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
This is the high leading the old right now
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
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