filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Randomize
