I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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