Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
God, I missed his penis.
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