I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
i came on her dog
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Are we still banned from the library?
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
