i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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