i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Randomize
