Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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