She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
