we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Randomize
