Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
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