bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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