To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Randomize
