Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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