Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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