I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
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