frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
