I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
