Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
vagina is talking i cant
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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